Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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