probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
