omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
