can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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