im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
COCAINE IS GR8
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
