Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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