I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So vagazzling was a success
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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