dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.