you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?