sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.