At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!