So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.