I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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