Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
