the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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