I am puke
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
