I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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