mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
