Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
