i already hear my dad disowning me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
