Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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