He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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