I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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