I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
