and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
