he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
