her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
