I'm passing your future prison.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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