I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
