I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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