i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
