He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
