Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
