that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
