kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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