I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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