I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
