And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
