I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
