He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
