HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
