They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
