I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will be naked everywhere
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
