i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
