did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
