I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
