If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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