How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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