Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
