So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
