They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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