It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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