sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
