Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
