i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
