don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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