did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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