I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
