Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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