So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
