there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
