i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
