Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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