It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
