She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
