right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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