Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
