My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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