Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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