Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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