I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
