you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
