'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
