I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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