We won't sleep together?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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