K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
