Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
