dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have aggressive nipples.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
